Adventures In Genderland: Part Two

 

Part Two: Not in Kansas anymore!

by Cathy Platine

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January of 1997 found me awaiting "official" election as president of the Crystal Club and scheduled to do several talks on the subject of transsexuality.  Suddenly I wasn't just an individual anymore but a representative of the entire community.   That month I received a panicky phone call from Luanne.  It seems our former president was being investigated for mail fraud and that fraud involved the use of the club's post office box!   The FBI and treasury agents were demanding a list of the members of the club and the nature of the organization.  Without going into details, this was a nightmare of the first order for an organization made up of highly closeted individuals with very legitimate concerns about privacy.

"MaryAnn" Horton,  a crossdresser founder of the club,  contacted the agents on behalf of the club and myself and carefully explained the nature of the organization and the reluctance we had in exposing our membership.  Several of us volunteered to aid the investigation in any manner we could without violating the confidence of our membership.  They agreed and a crisis was averted.  At this same time Sarah and myself had started a carbon copy mailing list and set up a web page for the club.  "MaryAnn", who was an expert on internet mailers, finally agreed to set up a true mailing list to replace our primitive one and the Crystal Club joined the computer age.

Sarah Fox's editorship of the Crystal Chronicle was nothing short of amazing.  Starting with the October 96 edition Sarah quickly started expanding an average "chat" newsletter into something far more significant.  I had agreed to a regular monthly column entitled "Cathy's Corner" and agreed to also write a series of original articles about gender issues as well as part of getting her to agree to take over the editorship.  Sarah and I became a team in the leadership of the community and seldom did one of us thereafter make a move without consulting the other, our phone bills were astronomical.  One of the things we had agreed to was meeting with the Gay and Lesbian organization at OSU to discuss transgendered issues and their relations to G and L issues.  Also contacted to speak at that event was Meral Crane.  When she learned I was sharing the speaker's platform with her, she called me.

Up to this time I had resigned myself to being isolated from the greater community of transsexuals in Central Ohio because of my choice in going my own way towards transition and dealing with my GID (Gender Identity Disorder)  The word I had gotten was that I had been a frequent topic of discussion among Ms. Crane's group and I was continually told that her group was the only possible path to hormones and surgery in Central Ohio.   I already knew this to be false having started my hormone therapy the previous October with the same doctor that was prescribing the group's hormones.  My transgendered contacts being limited to the mostly crossdressers of the Crystal Club and the transsexuals I regularly communicated with online, I hungered for face to face contact with others like myself.   Meral Crane's phone called took me by surprise.  For about an hour she rambled on and on about changes she had made in her information package regarding "control" issues.  Apparently Kori had shared a long email I had written regarding my being discussed by the group and my objections to the group.   Meral openly recruited me to consider joining her group in that phone conversation.   Considering I was now seeing another therapist and had considerable reservations about the Central Ohio Gender Dysphoria Association, I declined.

The meeting at OSU proved pivotal in several ways.  While I was walking from the parking garage to the building the meeting was to take place at I underwent a radical shift in my own perceptions of myself.   I was afraid.  I, who as a youngster had wandered the bazaars of Old Delhi, India alone, been in some of the wildest places on the face of the earth and had even camped out in the Himalayan mountains in wintertime, was afraid.  It was not the fear of the transgendered of being exposed but rather an entirely new awareness of my vulnerability as a woman.  It represented a quantum shift in my own perceptions of myself.   That night Meral Crane also arranged to be alone with me after the presentation.   I was touched at her apparent concern, but rather hurt by the things she told me.  She told me that the "wig" I had worn the previous month at our Christmas party made me look like a crossdresser and that my glasses were too male for me to pass.   Her advice was well intentioned but hurt for my glasses had been carefully been chosen to  seen as either male or female and I never wore a wig.

Those first couple of months of 1997 saw a screening of more individuals within the first thirty days than had taken place in the previous entire year!   During the time between the first of the year and the January meeting over seventy people were screened and approved for potential membership.  This was due entirely to the exposure of the webpage and the online presence Sarah and I had pushed for and established.  We were literally being contacted by people from around the world about our club and some even visited Columbus and us.  Articles written by Sarah and myself in the newsletter were being reprinted in newsletters across the country, translated into other languages and published on countless websites.  We had taken our meetings from a dingy motel where they had met in the dead of night to openly part of two different churches.  Our dues playing membership more than doubled in the first six months of 1997 and attendance at the meetings was up drastically.  Our business meetings had changed from the previous pronouncements of our imperial leader to the freewheeling feminist consensus method.  At the time I had no idea that was what I was doing, only learning after getting a comment from a couple of visitors to one of our meetings that they had never seen the feminist consensus method used so successfully before seeing it in action the meetings I conduced.  All I was doing was using the same method of conducting the meetings as I had done running my business and as a foreperson for another business before that.

I was in for some shocks.  The first rumblings came about regarding our meeting place.  The tiny church we were meeting at was not up to the expanding membership and the price agreed to by the previous president just prior to my taking over the club was way too high.  In an effort to find a new meeting place I contacted another church, one I was attending myself.  They agreed to not only let us conduct our meetings there, but do so at a cost that was a fraction of what we were paying at the time.  Space and parking would need never again be a problem.  There was just one hitch, we would be sharing the facilities many of the nights and I was concerned about restrooms.   Ah restrooms.   For some reason this is always a hot button topic with both transpeople and outsiders.   For most transsexuals, it is regarded as pretty much a non issue if you pass fairly well.  For some unknown reason, it is  often seen as an adventure, a challenge, a feat of daring do by crossdressers.  It is a subject of fascination by others. At this point in time I was full time 98% of my life, only presenting male for my spouse's family and my daughter's college concerts and a few customers of my business.  I used the ladies room as a matter of course and didn't really think much of it.  I was to learn to my shock and dismay that what I considered basic to the transgendered community wasn't so.

Every transsexual woman is aware that she has one main issue in her life.  A simple issue that is the core of her relations with the outer world........that she is a woman.  Acceptance or non acceptance of that basic fact is the core of her relationships with the world.   Once she has transitioned , her very life can depend on that acceptance.  Once she has transitioned, anyone who would claim any support whatsoever of her would have to include the recognition of her womanhood in order for that support to have any meaning.   You would think that a "community" that claimed support and membership of transsexuals would,  at the absolute minimum, recognize this simple fact of the womanhood of a transsexual woman as basic.  The so called gender community does not.   This is the lesson that was so painful for me to learn.  This was the snake that arose over and over to bite me.

In order to head off what I saw as a potential problem, I asked the membership via the email list for their opinions about what our club policy should be regarding rest room use at the new church when there was another group there.  I emphasized that for a reason, the assumption was always when there was no conflict, the members would use which ever rest room they were most comfortable in.  Only when there was a competing interest was this policy needed.   I set as a beginning point something I considered a given by anyone in the transgendered community, that a transitioned transsexual would use the rest room appropriate for their gender without debate. Anything beyond that I opened to debate by the group  Because radical crossdresser member, "MaryAnn" Horton had bitched that equating crossdressers with men and transsexual women with women was unfair, (a position I still do not understand given that every single crossdresser I've had an in depth discussion with including Horton has stated at one time or another that they are and enjoy being men and identify as such)  I also stated that I personally,  the only regular member of the group at that time who was essentially living full time as female,   would use the men's room when the other members of the club were forced to.  This was a personal concession on my part I have regretted ever since!   Immediately I was flamed on the Crystal Club list by Horton for being an elitist transsexual snob who had hers and said "fuck the crossdressers" in spite of my announced major concession in the name of solidarity!   Instead of the debate, the only response from the crossdressing members of the club was also this cry of elitism.  It is important to note that both Sarah and myself bent over backwards not to suggest any other policy positions other than the simple starting point other than transsexual women living full time would have their womanhood respected. This issue would be revisited over and over while I remained president of the club and ultimately I resigned because of it.   This was the beginning of a crusade against me by Horton and later his friend and cohort and future president of the Crystal Club, "Kelly" Davidson that continued for years.

As a result of this exchange of emails, I dropped the matter of the new church and thus the club had to find more expensive meeting places and several transsexual women who had been on the verge of active membership in the Crystal Club recoiled in horror that the gender of a transwomen who was transitioned could even be questioned or debated by a supposedly open support group.  I have personally never understood how this is possible either, but learned through bitter experience that regardless of what is publicly said, when a crossdresser comes down to cases, he will almost always see a transsexual woman not as a woman, but some sort of full time crossdresser.  I now believe this is the reason that the two groups do not share any common interests and will never be able to work together in harmony.   I now know that this is the source of the oft repeated phrase by transsexual women that crossdressers "don't get it and never will."  Like it or not the simple truth is that crossdressers are men and most react like men and exercise male privilege like men with the same lack of understanding of that privilege that other men have.  I have had my face shoved in this over and over again.

Not long after this incident did that same issue arise yet again in another form.  Some background information is necessary to understand  what happened next.  Tri-Ess is a national crossdresser organization.  They are by definition and bylaw homophobic and anti transsexual.  They strictly limit membership to heterosexual crossdressers only and ban membership by bisexuals, homosexuals and transsexuals.  Their wives have a sister organization called SPICE for "support of couples where crossdressing is an issue"   SPICE asked for space and promotion of their convention in our newsletter.  Ordinarily this would not be a problem and would have been done as a matter of course but there was another issue I was aware of.   SPICE had a strict rule of "non-crossdressing" at their conventions.  This rule included even MtF transsexuals who were post-operative and those living full time as female with all their identity changed!   Let me state this again, this included women who were physically female but had been born with a birth defect of male genitals that had been corrected!   Why should a transsexual care about an organization for couples that included a crossdressing heterosexual you ask?   SPICE was actively recruiting the wives of post operative and transitioned transsexuals, that's why!   I had personal knowledge of this fact from wives being  actively recruited.  I invested several hours of long distance conversation at my own expense with Peggy Rudd, then chair of SPICE confirming both the rule demanding that a transsexual woman must dress male and be know by her former, male name if they were to take part in a couples convention regardless of her genital status or her legal name or how she lived her life!   I had confirmed with Ms. Rudd that SPICE was in fact still recruiting the wives of these transsexual women and that SPICE would neither stop this recruitment nor drop the ridiculous rule that required the forced crossdressing of transsexual women as men.   Once more I considered this a no-brainer.  Our club was inclusive by it's charter and this was a clear cut case of discrimination against transwomen while simultaneously attempting to meddle in their marital affairs.  Sarah and I refused the ad.  I was immediately publicly called a liar by Horton, a Tri-Ess member, who claimed I must have misunderstood the issues.  I have been attacked for this decision locally ever since despite the fact that my writing about the issue led to a boycott by many other open support groups around the country.  To the best of my knowledge SPICE continues both policies to this day.

SPICE, Not So Nice?

by Cathy Platine as it appeared in the Crystal Chronicle
 

The Crystal Club recently received a request from SPICE, the Tri-Ess related support organization for spouses and crossdressers, to run their ad in our newsletter and help them raise funds through an auction or similar event.  After much soul searching I felt it necessary to decline the support of the Club.  While SPICE does a lot of good for many people, some of their policies are simply not in keeping with our mission statement.  Some of their policies are not supportive of some members of our gender community.

SPICE is headed up currently by Peggy Rudd.  Many of you are familiar with the wonderful books she has written about couples and coping with crossdressing such as "My Husband Wears My Clothes".  I did talk to Peggy on the phone for almost two hours about my concerns, and while I found her to be a completely charming lady, personally interested in my viewpoint, it was also clear the SPICE would continue the same policies that have proven to be a problem for many of us in the community.

These issues can be a bit complicated, so please bear with me.  SPICE represents itself as a support group for the spouses of heterosexual crossdressers and the crossdressers themselves.  Unfortunately, they do not represent themselves this way all the time.  While there is nothing wrong with a group targeting a specific group and sticking to that group, the problem that arises is that in recent years they have informally, but actively, sought out the spouses of transsexuals as well.  I know this for a fact.

Why would this be a problem?  The problem arises from the way they support the spouses.  SPICE advocates the rights of the spouse to determine when and where crossdressing is allowed in terms of the marriage.  It advocates control of issues such as hormones and other body changes in the hands of the spouse.  This is not an issue with most crossdressers, it can help bring about compromises that make a marriage workable, but it is the wrong approach when the partner is a transsexual.  Transsexuals fight the need to transition sometimes for many many years and when finally they come to grips with their issues, it is often a life and death decision.  They are often at the brink of suicide.  Handing over control of "crossdressing" at this point leaves the transsexual with only two choices, leave or die.

The decision to transition, as I can tell you from personal experience, is a very difficult one and is usually made with the help of a therapist who specializes in gender issues.  It becomes a mental health issue at this point and no one, not even a spouse, should have the right to interfere with a health issue.  The same is true of starting hormones.  Again, a spouse should be informed of what's going on, but by the time a transsexual is ready to start hormones, there simply isn't much of a choice anymore and the issue is a medical one.

SPICE does not see this.  They treat the spouses of transsexuals the same way they do those of crossdressers.  This is very dangerous.  It could lead to the suicide of the transsexual spouse faced with either losing their family or continued lifelong depression.  It may even have done so already.  Most of the marriages of transsexuals do not survive transition.  That is the sad fact.  Some of them do, and those that have a chance should be given that chance.  SPICE's program removes any chance there might have been.  It virtually assures that the marriage cannot survive.

The other issue is also one of the treatment of transsexuals.  SPICE events are billed as "non crossdressing".  That means that the transgendered spouse is expected to not present female at the events.  The reasons for this are even fairly sound.  We all know how transgendered people love to show off their new outfits and SPICE events are aimed at couple and spousal support.  In order for them not to become another TG fashion show, they have this policy.  It is also so that the spouses who are having a difficult time adjusting to their crossdressing mates do not feel threatened.  This is fine as far as it goes and would not be a problem except for the way this is interpreted.

If SPICE restricted it's self to heterosexual crossdressers as they claim to, the policy would make sense.  They don't.  They are involving transsexuals as well and they have stated that even a post-operative MtF transsexual must dress male in order to attend with her spouse, spouses they have been actively seeking out.  I know of a case where this is exactly what happened.  SPICE representatives attempted to "recruit" the spouse of a transsexual, not only knowing that she was the spouse of a TS, but _because_ she was.  They so stated.  They then told the TS partner that she must dress male in order to attend with her spouse. This was checked with national SPICE board members and confirmed.  They were informed that the transsexual partner was not only transitioned and would be post-op by the time of the convention, but that all of her documentation, including her birth certificate had already been changed to female.  The SPICE convention was in Penn. that year and even in the face of the Penn. bathroom laws, which would have made it illegal for this transsexual to use ANY bathroom at the convention while dressed male, they still insisted that she must dress male.  Peggy Rudd also confirmed that SPICE policy continues to require the crossdressing as males of even post-op MtF transsexuals at SPICE events during my talk with her.  She informed me that this policy would not be changed.

This is so profoundly wrong that words fail me.  This is _total_ non-acceptance of a transsexual woman as a woman.  This is against everything our community believes in.  If they do not want transsexuals to attend, they should make that clear, not enforce a policy that is a slap in our faces.  No other group in the transgendered community would dream of taking this stand.  No other group would be allowed to.  This is the type of thing that we are trying to educate people about as a community and it strains credibility to think that a group that considers itself part of our community could possibly take this position.  This is why the Crystal Club cannot and will not support SPICE as long as I am president.

The solution is quite simple.  All SPICE needs to do is restrict itself to heterosexual crossdressing spouses and crossdressers and admit publicly that they should not and will not involve themselves knowingly in a transsexual marriage.  If they had been willing to do this, we would have supported them.  They are not willing to do this.  They intend to continue including transsexual spouses in their programs. They intend to continue "requiring" forced crossdressing of MtF transsexuals as males as a condition of attendance. They intend to continue slapping us in the face with non-acceptance of our womanhood.